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Garden Variety or Debilitating ~ Dealing with Anxiety

What to do About Anxiety~ Garden Variety or Debilitating FIRST, Anxiety is future-oriented. It is not Living IN THE PRESENT. You may be thinking “I am WORRIED about X”. Now, breathe in that anxiety, that physiological/body place. You should now be with the present “feeling”. The emotions are right there under the anxiety. RIGHT THERE. […]

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Love and Desire are Two Different Things ~ Reasons for Affairs

Notes from Love and Desire-

Esther Perel, modified by Janet Wiseman
Please see her YouTubes e.g.
“Mating in Captivity”
*************************************
Love and desire are different.
Love, you have. Desire you want.

Responsibility and desire butt heads.

You want her when she is away, radiant, confident, self-sustaining, attractive.

When you look at her from a distance, she is mysterious and desirable.

The erotic mind is not very politically correct.

Couples need SEPARATION and they need CONNECTION.

YOU NEED TO STAY YOURSELF..your true self..in relationships. Your true self fits you like a perfectly fitting jacket. “Dude, Goddess, this is YOU.”

People need a lot of erotic privacy.

Affairs are:
• Secretive
• Emotional connection
• Physical alchemy
• An expression of longing and
for love
• Sexual connection is intense
and there is VITALITY to the
connection
• Seeking the gaze of another is
seeking for our gaze at our
“wonderful, sexy selves”
• Provide feelings of aliveness.
May compensate for recent
losses or the contemplation of
our mortality
• May attempt to beat back
“deadness”; an antidote to
death
• About desire, to feel important.
To have what you can’t have.
• Puts verve, imagination back
into your life

Back into your old life:

Betrayal of an affair can be healed.

Fear of loss of partner can rekindle desire. “Hysterical Attractions” = fear of loss desire.

Person who has had the affair expresses reasons for wrong-doing, remorse or guilt. What did the affair mean to you? What was its actual value?

Every affair will redefine the relationship.

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Our Four-Year-Old is Our First Priority

Meriam and Ted were concerned that their marital separation and divorce would devastate four-year-old, Anjie. With careful planning that did not happen! Not even close. Meriam’s workday being longer than Ted’s, he picks Anjie up from pre-school, spending time with her at Meriam and Anjie’s home until Meriam arrives home from work. Occasionally they have […]

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Services available in all Languages

Mediation and Counseling Services are available in all languages. “How can that be?” you ask. One client brought her adult daughter to divorce mediation who translated the process into Mandarin. Another client, from Hungary, brought his close friend and colleague into estate mediation to translate. He signed a confidentiality agreement.That turned out to almost be […]

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Divorce Mediation

Clients Had All Their Ducks in a ROW

Brad and Sophia came into divorce mediation with ALL of their ducks in a row!…They had done as much homework before an initial session as any couple I had worked with in over 40 years. How did they do it? They worked on their parenting agreement first, as, to both of them, it was the […]

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Mediation Education

Best Mediator in Lexington has 37 years of Continuing Education

When selecting one of the best, most experienced divorce mediators, you need to be sure that her or his skills are “johnny up-to-date”. As a co-founder of the Mass Council on Family Mediation in 1982, I am one of the two longest established and most experienced and family mediation in the Commonwealth. We, the MCFM, […]

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Divorce Mediation

Mediated Cohabitation Agreements

With the divorce rate at fifty percent, more or less, many individuals who recouple decide that being “nonmarried” feels more secure and even more committed than remarrying. Still, more and more couples are coming into Janet Miller Wiseman Mediation and Counseling Services to design Mediated Cohabitation Agreements. In these agreements, couples design their financial arrangements. […]

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Divorce Mediation

Preserving the Family Nest

Preserving the Family Nest for Children of  Divorce Early in my career, I read an article in the New York Times Magazine describing a divorced family, a mother and father in their 70s, both of whom had remarried, and were vacationing with their adult children and their six grandchildren on the French Riviera. It could […]

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Family Mediation

Grandparents Visitation Mediated

It is December, the holidays are coming up, ‘tis the season to be merry and joyous. But, not for these two families with considerations around grandparents visitation and access. Annette, and her daughter, Marianne brought Marianne’s brother, Dan, into the office for family mediation  to discuss their own visits with his son, Ben, 8 years […]

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Decision Mediation

Same Sex: Who Will Bear Our First Child?

Will Liz or Leslie be their Prospective Baby’s Birth Mother? Liz and Leslie made a series of appointments for marriage mediation. They had been a couple for seven years and married for two of those years. They had decided that their careers, finances and home were in place and stable enough to have their first […]