Love and Desire are Two Different Things ~ Reasons for Affairs

Notes from Love and Desire-

Esther Perel, modified by Janet Wiseman
Please see her YouTubes e.g.
“Mating in Captivity”
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Love and desire are different.
Love, you have. Desire you want.

Responsibility and desire butt heads.

You want her when she is away, radiant, confident, self-sustaining, attractive.

When you look at her from a distance, she is mysterious and desirable.

The erotic mind is not very politically correct.

Couples need SEPARATION and they need CONNECTION.

YOU NEED TO STAY YOURSELF..your true self..in relationships. Your true self fits you like a perfectly fitting jacket. “Dude, Goddess, this is YOU.”

People need a lot of erotic privacy.

Affairs are:
• Secretive
• Emotional connection
• Physical alchemy
• An expression of longing and
for love
• Sexual connection is intense
and there is VITALITY to the
connection
• Seeking the gaze of another is
seeking for our gaze at our
“wonderful, sexy selves”
• Provide feelings of aliveness.
May compensate for recent
losses or the contemplation of
our mortality
• May attempt to beat back
“deadness”; an antidote to
death
• About desire, to feel important.
To have what you can’t have.
• Puts verve, imagination back
into your life

Back into your old life:

Betrayal of an affair can be healed.

Fear of loss of partner can rekindle desire. “Hysterical Attractions” = fear of loss desire.

Person who has had the affair expresses reasons for wrong-doing, remorse or guilt. What did the affair mean to you? What was its actual value?

Every affair will redefine the relationship.